A joint study released today by the National Institute of Porn and Lechery (NIPL) and the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)in Atlanta, GA, concludes that 99.9% of American males between the ages of 9 and 106 very strongly or strongly prefer large, soft and natural rather fake, hard and lumpy breasts when it comes to tit-fucking.
"This hardly comes as a surprize," said Chairman of NIPL, Big John Mega-Schlong III, in a statement. "Nothing beats rubbing your dick between naturally large and soft breasts, preferably lightly oiled, as opposed to the unnatural abrasiveness of fake tits," said the Chairman.
"We have known for a long time that the vast majority of reported cases of cockburn in the US happen as a result of indiscriminate tit-fucking of women with surgically enhanced breasts," he said. "Furthermore it is an alarming fact that the number of penile skin grafts trailing the trend of boob jobs has skyrocketed by a whopping 900% since 1985."
NIPL and the CDC strongly urge women contemplating having their boobs done to reconsider. Not only is it scientifically proven to be detrimental to a good tit-fuck, it could also land you a jail sentence. In a precedence setting case last year a woman was convicted on charges of aggravated genital assault with an abrasive weapon and sentenced to 9 months in prison. Now she's some bulldyke's bitch and is regularly traded for cigarettes in the communal washroom in an upstate corrections facility. Her victim is still undergoing treatment, and his doctors are hopeful that he will regain full use of his penis, although possibly with reduced sensitivity. As Chairman Mega-Schlong so succinctly said, "don’t fuck around with fake boobs, it ain’t worth it". |
